Some Thoughts on Leaving Manila...

Before I write about the Black Nazarene experience, I thought I would just write about some thoughts that have been going through my mind as I prepare to leave. I have definitely enjoyed being back in Manila. It wasn't what I was expecting. If you talk to some people I was talking with before leaving Corvallis, you'll find out that I had some anxieties about coming back home. These have all been unfounded. I can't believe that by this time tomorrow morning I will be boarding the plane back to the states.

THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO...

I do look forward to quieter Corvallis. There is a constant hum of noise around us since we are surrounded by major thoroughfares. Just anywhere you go there's a lot of people. Corvallis has the peace and quiet that I really enjoy.

I also look forward to getting back to work and being with the people I work with. I enjoy their company a lot and have missed our morning chats. I also miss the work that I do. I find that being in Manila sort of takes you away from the realities and harshness of life in a wierd sort of way. Poverty is all around us, but we live in a very comfortable and spoiled manner. I am not complaining as I've enjoyed the service deluxe that we've received here. The materialism and importance in image (as evident by all the skin-whitening billboards around) is much more prevelant in Metro Manila -- all of which I don't personally adhere to.

Something I look forward to but I know I will miss is eating a bit more normally. Whenever people want to get together here it always involves a meal. I've enjoyed getting together with so many people -- in fact, there are still a few I would have liked to see but haven't had the time. Yet, I miss my lighter meals and more regular portions. I miss my daily workout which have been derailed due to physical limitations (I want this leg to get better now!). My uncle asked me what my daily workout consists of. I told him it's an early trip to the gym, getting Vincent ready, running errands, cleaning, cooking (only when my mom isn't in Corvallis because she doesn't really like my cooking), washing the dishes, lifting everything myself (there's always people here to do the heavy lifting), doing whatever else needs to be done, and, if there's time and weather permitting, another walk outside. Hmmm... Now I wonder if that was something to be missed :)

THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT THE PHILIPPINE LIFE

So many aspects of life here is quite humorous. I will miss laughing so much. Just a couple of examples:

1. Whenever you walk into or even just walk by an establishment (usually the fastfood places) you'll here this greeting... "Good morning, sirmam." Sometimes, depending on how good the person is, you'll be greeted good morning all day long. We're still trying to figure out who "sirmam" is. For those who haven't gotten it yet, it's "Sir/Ma'am" -- they just throw out this greeting irregardless of your gender.

2. I've come to the conclusion that all jobs require the ability to sing along with a karaoke. Wherever they sell the Wow Magic Sing (the video karaoke microphone), there's someone singing at the top of his/her lungs. Sometimes you don't mind what you hear, sometimes you do:) Even security guards have been spotted belting out a tune or two.

3. My sister, Katrina, told me that she asked a server if they have a lunch menu (or something like that) at this place that serves salads, she was told, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but we don't serve foods here." Only in the Philippines... Salad isn't food, it's a filler!

I promised only a couple, but there's so much more to share. I was once told by somebody I worked for at IBM, "Life is so hard here, we just have to laugh it off,"

I will miss being with friends and relatives. This is what I miss most when I'm at Corvallis. Get togethers happen at the slightest hint here. I have grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends that are easily available. There is no time limit to our time together and no need for internet connection! Hehe... Just a quick example... My uncle invited everybody from my dad's side of the family to lunch yesterday. We had three generations around the table. Before the meal was over my other uncle had invited all of us to dinner at his house that evening and we were all there -- plus a few more! This morning with just a call and a few chat messages I was able to get my grandmother, an aunt, and a couple of cousins to meet up for morning merienda (in between meal-time snack) and lunch. It's pretty much that simple. I love that and will miss it so much.

My time here has been quite surreal, of course. I have not had much responsibilities so it's been a very grand life. Who wouldn't have fun? For some reason I remember being able to live this kind of life even when I was living here. Not that I wasn't working, but I could easily be an entrepreneur with my own time. That life, looking back now, wasn't good for me. I was easily lulled into feeling productive, but really I didn't have much responsibilities. I was busy doing things that I felt was going towards my goals in life, yet at the same time I sort of knew it was always temporary. I was always hoping to go back to the states, so I just kept myself busy. It was always what I thought was important to me, but there was no sense of permanency. I now long to do something similar to my work in Corvallis here in the Philippines. My dream is to find a job that will let me travel to the Philippines to do the work that I love doing. Maybe even to other countries. As for now, more posts when I get back!

The Tide of Philippine Life

I will be leaving for Oregon very soon and I have some mixed feelings about this. I am looking forward to being with my friend who has lost a loved one, to going back to work, and getting Vincent back into his routine. I don't look forward to leaving the warm weather, the visits with friends and relatives (I still haven't seen everybody I was hoping to see), and the feeling of being home. As much as I love Oregon and the people that surround me there, the Philippines is and always will be my home. I may never live here again, but it's the place my soul feels connected to.

LOW TIDE -- ACHES AND PAINS

This vacation has been quite grand and I've experienced so much during my stay here. It hasn't been without its down side, though. For the duration of my stay here, I've had one form of ailment or another. I got here with a slight pain on my right leg that was tolerable. After a run in the village with Katrina and Justin, it just got really bad. True to the Philippine style, this was made somewhat better through massage. We have a masehista (masseusse -- I just know I mangled that word!) who goes to my grandparent's house regularly. She's been by a couple of times to give my muscles (hehe...) a strong rub down and to get my right leg back to working form again. There were times when I would limp along and couldn't even carry Malina up a flight of stairs. As of now there's a slight pain when I make certain movements, so I just don't make those movements -- problem solved!

I've also had a constant cold or allergy. The pollution really does not help. To make things worse, the building next to us is being torn down by about 10 men. Yes, they are jackhammering and pounding their way down bit by bit. This building was a small one -- about 12 to 15 stories -- and it's now down to about 9 stories. So we have all sorts of debris flying as they make way for a four-star hotel.

Buildings around us here are a bit bigger then the ones in Corvallis. The building seen in this picture (the one that's not being torn down) is about 40 stories, the one next to it is about 60 stories high,... To the other side of us, they get even bigger and taller. I can't say I enjoy being in this concrete and glass jungle.

TIDE COMING IN -- BEACH AND WAVES

This is when the waters come crashing in and the tide is rising. So, it's not quite low and not quite high...

Before Katrina, Justin, and Malina left we were able to squeeze in an out-of-town trip to the beach with my Tita (aunt) Chary. We decided that we were going to Puerto Galera, which meant a two-hour ride to the Batangas City port and then an hour-and-a-half boat ride. Wow! Sounds heavenly! My stomach had been feeling a bit funny for a couple of days, but I thought it was nothing and would just go away. So off we went... We were so excited to see our "boat", which was actually a large-size banca (a Filipino outrigger used primarily by fishermen). This is much bigger than the ones used by fishermen, but was designed with seats running down the sides and they had rows of plastic seats down the middle facing forward. Choosing the lesser of two evils, we chose to stay on the sides. We didn't have much choice actually as the boat was quite full both ways. The waves were quite strong because of the time of the year and because there was a storm somewhere in the region. Let's just say that some of us came out lighter than when we got in the boat :) I was very thankful that I decided not to bring Vincent along because this kind of boat ride would have been too traumatic for him. From that point on I had major issues with my stomach that would last throughout our trip.

The beach itself, though, was wonderful! Our resort was right by the beach, the ocean was beautifully blue, and the sound of the waves would just lull you into relaxation. Katrina and I got massages on the beach, Malina loved playing on the sand and in the water, and we all got the much-needed time away from the city. Tita Chary bought a tuna from a fisherman who had just caught it not too long ago and she had a small restaurant next to our hotel prepare it for us. They grilled the head and tail of the tuna and made kinilaw (the Filipino version of ceviche) with the middle part of the fish. YUM! As you can tell, I didn't help my stomach situation any by indulging in this seafood fest. I wish I could have spent some time inside the water but my state of well-being kept me from taking part in any water activities.

HIGH TIDE -- FIESTA DE PADRE NUESTRO HESUS NAZARENO

This next portion actually deserves more than just a paragraph or two. On January 9th, I went along with Tita Chary (yes, she is our own official tour guide!) and her friend, Salve, to the Fiesta de Padre Nuestro Hesus Nazareno (we don't have the letter "J" in our alphabet, so we use the letter "H") or otherwise called Feast of the Black Nazarene. For any of you who plan on being in the Philippines on this day, you MUST take part in this celebration. This is the feast day in which they honor the Patron Saint of Forgiveness and Atonement. Men carry throughout the streets of the old part of Manila, or Quiapo (kiyapo), the image of the Black Nazarene. This life-size image of Jesus carrying His cross was brought over by the Spaniards in the 1600's (about the time they came to conquer the Philippines). The boat that was carrying this image caught on fire, thus blackening the face and hands of Christ. Every years millions of people take to the streets to honor this Patron Saint who is said to bring about forgiveness, peace to our nation, and peace to our families. Groups of devotees bring their own images of the Black Nazarene to this area. Some come from miles and miles away. They start their journey the day or night before and walk to Quiapo to take part in this procession. The most incredible part of this procession is all those who take part in this (all men) come barefoot. As any image of the Black Nazarene walk by, people reach out to touch His face and seek blessing. We were very fortunate to see the actual image as close as we did. My Tita says that this the closest she has ever seen it in all the years that she has been coming to this fiesta. As the actual image processes by, you hear this roar that could be heard from miles away. The roar comes from the people who are shouting and waving their handkerchiefs (which they use to wipe any image that walks by and they keep this as a sign of the blessings they've received) as the Black Nazarene comes before them. This year they say there were two million people -- that's almost the whole of Oregon in one small area of Manila!!!

It is such a profound and moving experience. The devotion that the people have to the Black Nazarene is so strong. It is hard not to feel a sense of hope and faith in the midst of the sea of people. People come here to ask for forgiveness and to seek hope for the future. As I wallow in my own personal woes, I realize that if these people -- most of whom are living in such poverty -- have hope that I must have hope as well. It may seem odd that so much hope is given through a statue (which I suppose why we Catholics are sometimes accused of worshiping idols), but I firmly believe it was a way of accepting the faith that was once forced upon the people by the Spaniards -- a fusion of sorts. When the Spaniards took over all these countries, the people were worshipping idols (animals, people, other forms of nature) -- images they could see. The people must have sought ways to carry out their faith in ways they knew how in order to be able to accept what the Spaniards were forcing them to do. I see the Filipino faith being based on rituals and celebrations. There is a growing number of people who will sit down and discuss their faith life, discuss the Bible, how they've grown into it, how they have made it their own -- but this seems to come from the influences of priests and missionaries from outside. Those who are more traditional honor the statues, celebrate feast days, go to Mass regularly, of course, and see God as the center of the people and not their own personal friend.

As it may seem obvious, I will have to devote some more time to this Feast day. This is quite lengthy as it is and I need to get moving for the next item on our agenda here. I will post another entry soon. For the meantime, I thank you for reading this far.

A Few Thoughts...

Most of our Oregon party have left so Vincent and I are left with my mom. It's sad to wake up knowing that it's going to be much quieter around here. Fortunately the days ahead of us are already full.

My time here in Manila seems much shorter than it really has been. We've been very busy here, yet at one I point I wondered what have I been busy with. I haven't been very productive since I am on vacation. I don't have to worry about Vincent and school. I don't have much housework to do -- actually, I practically have none. What has been keeping me busy?

I may have mentioned this earlier, but... We have been busy being with people. It's lovely how much time people spend with each other here. The only person I know who kept keeping an eye on a watch to get back to a commitment was me. Otherwise with everybody we've met it has felt as if they had blocked off a chunk of time to be with us. Again, I don't think it's only because we're visiting here and they're wanting to spend as much time as possible with us. That's just how people spend time with each other whenever possible.

I also don't think I've laughed this much in a long time. There's just always something to laugh about. When I came back here in 1993 I was told by my boss at IBM at that time, "You know... Life is so hard here, people just laugh their problems away." Laughter has been such a big part of this trip. We do make light of a lot of situations around here by joking about it. At one point I would have thought that it's a way of brushing off responsibilities of doing anything about the problems that we have here or a form of demeaning the people and the country, but I take that back. The awareness is there and turning it into laughter is almost as if claiming a sense of ownership. It's like being able to laugh at yourself. Now if others from the outside poke fun of us or make comments, then it's insulting. But when you make it about yourself, then it's acknowledging who you are.

There also seems to be a growing sense of patriotism in the Philippines. It surprises me to see how many people are wearing clothing with very Filipino designs -- the Philippine flag, jeepneys, etc. More clothing stores are carrying very modern Filipino designs. This may seem very trivial and may not seem like much. You see... In the past the big think would be to sport designer labels on your clothing -- authentic or not. We have not been known to wear theme-oriented clothing here. Nobody wears the flag colors during national holidays, red and green clothing during Christmas,... That's just not what we do around here. It's a huge step to see clothing stores in the upper-scale malls dedicated to Philippine-themed designs. It's a small start, but it's a step towards change.

Tomorrow I get to go with my Tita Chary (Aunt Chary) to the Feast of the Black Nazarene. The Black Nazarene is the patron saint of Quiapo (or Padre Nuestro Jesus Nazareno de Quiapo). This is attended by thousands and thousands of people who believe that their faith in this saint will bring peace and harmony in families, long life and good health among people, deliverance from all calamities and disasters, and prosperity, joy and love among nations. Men are the ones who participate in this procession because of the difficulty of being a part of this. They carry a life-size statue of the Black Nazarene carrying a cross, which was brought over by the Spanish in 1607, in the midst of thousands of people. The ship actually caught fire, burning the image and has since then been known as the Black Nazarene. It's interesting because the news have been calling on people to not show up drunk, to be sure they are able to take part in this procession, and telling people what to expect. I will post pictures and another blog entry afterwards.

I believe that people honor their patron saints so strongly because of their need to have a visual representation of what they are worshipping. The Spaniards forced Catholicism among the people. These were people whose religions at the time idolized images and the nature around them -- things that they could see. Some rituals incorporate the beliefs of the past with the beliefs and traditions of Catholicism. This was something that was pointed out as well while I was in Peru. We all practice our faith differently and representative of who we were and who we are now. Yet we are still connected by one faith, one belief, and one God. So simple, yet so complex. I love it!

More again later...

More from Manila

Just wanted to share a little bit more before the end of the year about what we've been up to here...

DARE DRIVING

I have been enjoying being able to drive around the streets of Manila once again. It's been so much fun! The traffic around here hasn't been as bad because of all the holidays (a nine-day holiday had been declared so there is no usual rush hour), but there's still a feel of the manic driving that no other country can beat. I've been to a good amount of countries and I have yet to see another country that can turn 2 lanes into 4, with no straight row of cars. Everybody just seems to be in their own little lane, following their own set of rules. It amazes me how many streets I actually remember. I start to take off not having a clear picture in my mind as to where I'm going or what the streets in the vicinity look like anymore, but as I get closer it all seems to fall back into place. So I haven't gotten lost yet! My dad mentioned that I still had the groove down even after four years of peaceful streets. Driving around parking lots here is more challenging than navigating the streets of Corvallis. I love it!!!

BEACH

We recently visited my grandparent's beach house to see what condition it is in now. My family has been going to this beach ever since the 70's and this is where I have the fondest childhood memories. We would spend long breaks here with everyone in my dad's side of the family, sometimes even including my grandmother's brother's family as well. This is where I learned how to hunt for hermit crabs, collect shells (which I still love to do), how a pig is killed to be roasted (long-time family tradition -- we have a pig killed on our last day so we could feast on it for the most spectacular lunch), how fishermen caught fish and octopus at night, and play card games. Best of all... This is where I learned how to love gazing up at the stars. We would spend hours just staring at the skies for shooting stars and trying to count as many stars as we possibly could. Growing up in the city, we never got to see that many stars. This is where we got to make up for lost time. To this day I think of this beach whenever I look up at a sky full of stars. The house is uninhabitable now. We no longer have family gatherings there. Walking around the area brought back so many vivd memories. It almost felt as if I would see myself with my siblings and cousins any minute now running up the stairs after collecting a pocket full of hermit crabs and dumping it all in our sandbox. I am thankful for these memories, yet saddened that we will never have anything like this again.

BRIEF REFLECTION

I've been away for four years. I will never stay away again for that long. Something about being back in Manila, even if I don't like the city, has made me realize how much I love being back home. There's a feeling of belonging here that I can't fully explain. I have friends here, but not many. I am overwhelmed by the number of people and the constant noise outside, but also know that this is the pulse of the city. I don't feel as if I fit in with the society we seem to be a part of, but I am still one of them. Yet this is and always will be home. I don't feel like I stepped into another world. I feel like I've come back to my world. I wish I could say that this is the most suitable environment to raise a son with special needs, but I honestly can't.

For now I am enjoying the willingness that people have to make time to get together -- to leave their routines behind to catch up with friends. I find myself turning down invitations from people who just want to spend some time catching up because our schedules have been so full. This is not just something that happens when one comes to visit. This is probably what I miss the most when I'm in Corvallis. When I was still living here I would get phone calls and text messages from friends just to see how I'm doing. It was easy to invite people to just get together to "make kwentohan" (to tell stories or to catch up), have dinner, and watch a movie. There was just more time to be with people.

We are now heading into the New Year, which means tons of fireworks shows around us and another family gathering. There's going to be a huge party in front of our building and another grand fireworks display. We will most likely go to my grandparents house (a 10-minute walk from our condominium) for Mass and noche buena (a late evening meal that we eat as we wait for midnight to strike) and then walk over to the street party.

I pray that you all have a festive and Happy New Year!!!

Manila Mania

Mabuhay! We've been in Manila for over a week now and it feels like I've been home all this time. Corvallis feels like a distant, snowy dream. Manila oddly feels like home. Vincent and I left Corvallis in a hurry because of all the ice on the roads. I can drive through madness and typhoons, but I cannot drive on ice. Must be the Filipino blood in me. Don't get me wrong... I loved the beauty of the snow and can tolerate the freezing weather -- I am just not very mobile on ice.

The adventure of making it to Portland was worth it. We've been enjoying our stay here. Vincent has been loving the food, being with family, and the f

ood. He hasn't even taken his handheld videogame out from his carry-on luggage. For those that know Vincent, they know that this is quite an accomplishment and very out of character for Vincent. He has enjoyed walking to the mall to get to stores and restaurants, swimming, and hanging out with his two-year cousin, Malina. He's been caught feeding Malina cereal, setting up the video player so that they can watch a movie together, and holding her hand. I love it! He has also had lengthy conversations with other family members and relatives, which they all enjoy.

The weather has been perfect. We're definitely not missing any of the snow that has covered Oregon these past couple of weeks. The clouds have been with us most of the time, but we've only seen rain once since we've been here. Most of the time the weather is within the 80's -- we're not complaining!

The places we've been to have been quite diverse. We go to the mall across the street from time to time. When I say "across the street", it's not like crossing the street in Corvallis. We have to go down to the underground walkway to avoid having to cross eight lanes of traffic. The mall alone is bigger than the Corvallis downtown; a series of buildings all connected with bridges for your shopping and dining convenience. The stores range from groceries to mid-level department stores to high-end department stores to small stores to boutiques to all kinds of restaurants to food courts... It's quite a dizzying experience that I don't miss when we're in Corvallis. For now, it's a slight distraction that can be tolerated since we're only on vacation.

One of our adventures was to a trip to Quiapo (kiyapo). It's the Old Manila and is located right next to Chinatown. We walked from Chinatown to a great restaurant and then over to Quiapo. Quiapo has an old Church that I am assuming has been there since the Spanish times. Behind it are streets lined with shops. Along the streets there are vendors selling all sorts of items -- food, clothing, pirated DVDs, housewares, knick-knacks, etc. Initially it looks like the streets are blocked off because of the amount of people and stalls. Then you see the sea parting to make way for a tricycle or a car trying to make its way down the street. People yell on megaphones to get you to buy some of their China-made products, vendors try to convince you that you're getting the best deal from them, and some even have demonstrations on how to use their gadget that you can't live without. This market is not where your typical Makati resident would go to because of the mass of people, the dirty streets, the inconvenience of getting there, and they don't carry department store items. I was quite happy, though, to buy my guitar there.

In contrast... We had gone to a "market" located in Makati (the city we are living in, which is considered the Central Business District and the city where all the posh villages of the Philippines are located). The stalls consisted mostly of cooked food that ranged from your typical Filipino fare to American food (one of which was a hamburger stand that challenges one to eat their biggest burger under 20 minutes and you win a prize!) to Spanish dishes and more. Plants, herbal concoctions, snacks, and more were among the other items sold here. This market is held every Saturdays in a park that sits in the middle of condominium buildings. Lots of space, everyone around you is speaking English, and a good place to spot acquaintances of the same caliber. I'm being a bit facetious, because in my mind this is NOT the Philippines. It's a nice place to visit, but it gives me this feeling of being in a fabricated environment. Sort of to make you feel you are in solidarity with the Filipinos, but really it isn't. There are quite a bit of very Filipino items and it's a fun place to visit, but just not what I would declare as a Filipino experience.

We've had plenty of family gatherings and it's been fun spending so much time with my own family. Today we are off to visit my grandparent's beach property, but just for the day. I am still hoping to get to spend some time at the beach, but will have to wait and see when.

I was hoping to post pictures, but our DSL connection is too slow for me to efficiently upload pictures onto a site. As soon as I have this up, I will let you all know. I apologize if this update is quite limited still, but the activities never stop and we'll be taking off in a few minutes. I will post again when I'm able to!

Joy To The World...

Well, it's freezing outside.  Signs of Christmas are present everywhere -- lights strewn all over people's homes, inflatable Santas waving with the wind, sale signs on all stores, and the non-stop Christmas music.  I, personally, am singing shamelessly even more nowadays AND wearing outfits with the colors red and green.  Now there's the Christmas spirit!  I haven't quite gotten myself to wear the sweatshirts with the rubberized Santa and earrings shaped like Christmas lights.  Maybe another two or three...hundred years from now.  My new thing this year is playing Christmas songs on the guitar.  I love it!  My favorites:  The Happy Christmas Song by John Lennon, Angels We Have Heard On High, and Silent Night.  I sometimes have to stop singing though because I lose my rhythm when I get too involved with the singing (my guitar teacher has told me not to play the guitar like I'm singing -- I wonder if he just wants me to stop singing?).

We leave for Manila next week and I am so looking forward to the warmer weather.  I'm also looking forward to going to a warm beach and eating yummy food with family.  Of course, I'm also looking forward to seeing relatives -- particularly my grandparents.  I am a bit anxious about the head-to-foot looks and the know-it-all comments about Vincent.  I want Vincent to enjoy himself because six months ago Vincent wouldn't dare think of going back to Manila (too traumatized by the extra-disciplinary actions taken by other people).  Our attempt at a camping trip last year left a very memorable experience for all those involved.  I am hoping that this is the start of being able to travel with him some more.

This year, though, Christmas isn't quite as Christmas-y as it has been.  Times are just tough.  Almost everyday I talk to people who are struggling to pay their rent, looking for work, worried about losing their current job, and just plain worried.  I've met more people who have told me that they have never had to go look for financial help before.  I had somebody in my office who was telling me how she used to be the one adopting families to take care of during Christmas.  Now she's needing help to pay rent and finding out sources for free food.  As we see this need grow it's hard not to take on some of the stress and anxiety that these people are feeling.  I know I've been more sensitive to things people say and do around me, but it almost feels like a way to protect myself.  I take it out on others so that I am able to sit down and listen to those who really need the help.  

Almost every week, sometimes less, major corporations announce layoffs.  Hewlett-Packard has been doing it for quite some time now.  AT&T announced cutting 40,000 jobs last week... Sony announced 8,000 today...  533,000 jobs lost last month alone.  I've heard of one person being the only one left in his department, which is a mixed blessing.  He's happy to have a job, but he's now left with more work and wondering what will happen to his co-workers.  It makes me wonder when I'll be next.  I've been told that I probably don't have to worry because more and more people will be needing help.  But where will this help come from?  My friend who runs a non-profit in town is struggling to get enough food to fill Christmas baskets for needy families.  Our emergency financial assistance funds come from donations -- where will this money come from if our parishioners are losing their jobs?  I always say that those who work for alcohol companies are the only ones with job security right now -- watch those sales go up.

As I worry about losing my job, I am thankful for a few things.  I've never had the need for more and more money, so I make do with little.  I have never felt any attachments to material goods, so not having the latest gadgets is just fine with me and everything I own fits in one bedroom.  Most importantly, I have a very supportive family.  When it was announced that AIG (American Insurance Group) was getting federal help to keep itself afloat, I was initially worried because that's where I have my retirement fund.  This was quickly replaced by relief when I remembered that I had only placed about $100 at that time.  Phew!  

My thoughts then go to other countries in the world.  If Americans are struggling, what happens to all those countries who rely on the almighty dollar?  What happens to all those people who rely on the dollars that are sent to them every month by a family member who works overseas?  What happens to industries that rely on the Americans' consumerism?  What happens to those who were already hungry before this whole mess got even worse?

I often feel the need for quick fixes, but this is just too huge for me to even come up with anything sane sounding.  My latest is...  What if we were all just considered citizens of the world and forced to spread everything equally?  I mentioned this to Aki and he said that he also valued the unique identities of each country.  Well, we would all still have our own identities -- just like those who are from the west coast are different from those from the east, or the north and the south.  We would all share resources -- natural and man-made.  It makes me wonder if we have been citizens of the world all this time, would we be as quick to go to war with each other?  Would we allow such inequality of resources?  Would we let somebody just thousands of miles away -- no body of water even separating us -- go to bed hungry each night?  Would we see each other a little more equal than we do now and not consider ourselves more superior than somebody with a different skin color?  Would we dump harmful products (such as selling cigarettes) on another country for the sake of profit?  Would we be in a mess this big at all?

I do have tips for making this holiday brighter for others around us...

1.  Donate to your favorite charity.  Choose one within your own community and one outside of your community.

2.  Live and give simply.

3.  When you go grocery shopping, buy two extra canned goods for your local food bank.

4.  Donate blankets, socks, sleeping bags, and tents for the homeless (I had a mountain of these in my office -- it was glorious!).

5.  Give to your Church; especially if they provide assistance to the needy (like St. Mary's!).

6.  Volunteer your time at your local soup kitchen, food pantry, or other non-profit organization that help the needy.

7.  If you're able to, volunteer for organizations that help the poor in other countries (can be short term, too).

8.  Be a support to someone who is feeling the stress of these economic times.

9.  Be an advocate for policies that protect those weakest in our society.   

10. Remember the true meaning of the season -- to prepare the way for the coming of our Lord, Jesus.  Think of Mary's example of humility, acceptance, simplicity, and her call for justice (Magnificat).  If we truly believe that Jesus lives in each of us, we learn to value those around us and even those we don't see.    

For now...  Let's try to bring glad tidings and joy to the world!  (I can come up with more, if you want!)

  

Life and Love Lessons

Now wouldn't that be funny if I were to start teaching about life and love? Ha! I am far from the expert on these things. Unusually enough, though, the people I've been learning from lately are not from people one would expect to learn from also. Well, I take that back... I've just had lunch with a friend of mine (one of my retired lady friends) and she shared so much with me that further reaffirmed thoughts I've had brewing in my mind.

Love According to Stretch and Dale

I've become quite acquainted with two men who are a part of our homeless community. I see them from time to time. I've mentioned Dale before in a previous blog entry -- he's the MacGyver of Corvallis. He's got the information and tools necessary to do anything. Dale has talked to me in the past about a certain lady that he has fallen so deeply in love with. He talks about how the room lights up the moment she walks in, how he's never felt this strongly about any other person, and how after 61 years he has finally met the person he would love to share the rest of his life with. You see there are some complications. This lady friend of his has issues about committing, has fetishes I dare not mention in this blog entry (he has felt the need to tell me in detail what these are and I try hard not to react), and was actually more like Dale in a lot of ways before she became the woman that she is now (you will just have to figure this one out for yourselves :) ). Unfortunately, thoug, these have left her unable to believe that anyone would want to be in a relationship with her. Yet he loves her more than anyone he has ever loved. His biggest fear now is to die alone. He comes from a line of men that did not live to an old age, has diabetes, and he is homeless. So basically he is feeling that his time to go will be coming very soon and he doesn't think much of himself. I must say that Dale's story is the first I've ever heard of unconditional love to this degree. He came looking for somebody to talk to about his problems with her, but not because of anything she has done or the revelation on her real identity. No. His problem was more of trying to understand this feeling that has ovewpowered his emotions and coming to terms with the knowledge that he has met somebody he would like to be with. He is also having a hard time seeing how he could possibly convince her knowing that he is homeless and doesn't have much to offer to her. What surprised me the most was my reaction to him and the words that kept coming to my mind as we spoke. I kept trying to hold them back because these are the very things I have denied myself, yet here was this man I had to tell these things to. I listed all the traits that I saw in him that were such gifts -- he is intelligent, he is funny, a gifted musician (he is very good and this is how he met his love), and has the capability to love unconditionally. He has had major setbacks in his life, but he has survived so far. I found myself telling him that if he is truly sure about his love for this lady, then he should show her the patience she needed, be there for her as a friend, and, most importantly, to recognize the good in himself first. The nice part of this conversation was that he has had thoughts about coming back to the Church. I don't know if he actually has, but it's a good step that I will further pursue.

Stretch is quite the trouble-maker at times. He has been known to be quite rowdy and possibly violent, but he has been pleasant with me. He came to my office wanting to know where he could stay before the winter homeless shelter started. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do for him (he has burned bridges with all other options), but we ended up having a great conversation that lasted for over an hour. He told me about his life. This started by his telling me that he could only see his "little girl" for an hour and a half, three times a week. So I asked him how old his daughter is. He then told me that this was his wife. Stretch is 7'1" (hence the name Stretch) and his wife is 5'4", so she's his "little girl". Apparently, she was Stretch's girlfriend when he was 17 years old and she was 14. Her mother made him break up with this girl or else she would call the police on him. They were on horseback in Texas at the time he was told this, so he rode off and hopped on a train to get away. He has been roaming around since. They then got reconnected again after 30+ years and decided they still love each other. She left her partner to be with Stretch and she and Stretch have been "married in the eyes of God" ever since. I wonder what God has to say about that. She is dealing with mental issues herself, so she is in a home that cares for her. After all these years, Stretch says that they cry everytime they have to part. Imagine a 7'1" man with the reputation of causing fights and having been put in jail numerous times sitting in front of you with tears in his eyes as he talks about his "little girl". It was very touching for me and even I thought I was going to cry (yes, this wouldn't have taken much anyway).

LIFE ACCORDING TO ME

One thing I learned from Stretch and Dale is that love knows no mental issues, homelessness, fetishes, odd pasts, etc. Here are stories of men and women who have found each other in the midst of all their issues. Not just that. Talking to these men have taught me that lessons on how I live out my life and faith come from everywhere. I found that they have a different sense of what a community is like, but it's the most accepting community I've ever seen. They have issues such as developmental disabilities and addictions, but they exist around each other, help each other at times, and accept each other. Yes, they have times of stealing, fighting, and more, but what community doesn't have its own problems. I've seen them share their food stamps in order to have a special treat like liverwurst and onions on french bread. They have the time to sit around to talk, play music, and share their stories. This is something I don't get to see much anymore in my own community.

Which leads me to my time and how it affects my faith. I have been B-U-S-Y! I have not had a single weekend that was completely my own. I find myself exhausted on Monday morning up to Sunday evening. I do all that I do for the sake of my ministry, for the sake of other ministries, and for the sake of living out my faith. Yet what am I left with? I am happy because of all the interaction I've had with people, but the feeling of happiness doesn't last because I'm too exhausted. I end up too tired to see Jesus in all that I do anymore. All I see is a busy schedule. I have asked myself if happiness the end product or the by product of all that I do. I find that in all that I've done where happiness is the end product, it has only led to short-term happiness and long-term exhaustion and dissatisfaction. But when happiness is simply a by-product, I find myself being happier in the long run because there was much more substance to what I had just done. Honestly, there were times when I didn't want to have to meet with people like Stretch and Dale because my schedule was just too tight. Yet, those were the most rewarding times I can recall.

We've been asked to see Jesus in the stranger, the hungry, the thirsty, the prisoner, the sick. My busy schedule has caused me to not recognize and even reject Jesus in everyone I meet and in all that I do. I have once again been reminded that love and happiness does not come from the busyness I can offer. It simply comes from the acceptance of Jesus in each one. I don't think Dale and Stretch would ever tell you that they love who they love because they see Jesus in their respective women. Yet, that's what I see. They accept them for their complete being -- good and bad. Jesus asks me to see Him in all that I encounter, not to busy myself with the expectations of being accepted or loved. I already am loved and accepted by Him -- just as I am.