DO I HAVE ISSUES? OF COURSE, I HAVE ISSUES!

As Bruce and I get close to our wedding day (as of writing, 86 more days!), it's easy to let stress and schedules overwhelm me. The past 3 days have been spent mostly in bed because I am burned out. Well, that may be oversimplifying it. I did have a fever and severe headaches through most of it, but this may have been caused by too much on the brain and body. I think of all that I have ahead of me and I wish I could sleep for the next 85 days. Wouldn't it be nice to just skip through everything and wake up on my wedding day with everything prepared. Poor Bruce!
I am thankful for all the love and support that I get from Bruce. These past couple of months have been challenging in so many different ways. I am thankful for the laughter, lively conversations, companionship, distraction, and shoulder(s) to cry on that Bruce has provided. This relationship has been so easy. It may be a funny word to use, but it's how I can best describe it. With Bruce the laughter comes easily, the conversations flow easily, the security comes easily,... As a result, he has made me feel better about myself in an indirect manner. He builds me up through his reassurance and presence. I never thought relationships can be this effortless. Hehe, I hope he feels the same way :)

WHO AM I?
A few evenings ago I had a meeting. Upon reflecting on what happened that evening, I am struck by something that was said during that meeting. For those in the Philippines, immigration is a huge concern here in the US. With such a large population of migrants and immigrants, there is a definite need to fight for rights for those that have come here -- documented and undocumented. There are health issues, food scarcity, equal access to resources, etc. What struck me was the immediate connection made to Hispanic undocumented immigrants. Yes, they are a large population, but they are not the only immigrants in this country. An immigrant is anybody who has uprooted from their home country to move to another country to live and work. It seems in this room it was completely forgotten that I AM AN IMMIGRANT. Why are all our programs so focused on one group of this large pool of people?

I still don't qualify for a lot of resources because I've been here for less than 5 years. Before working for the Church, I could not have access to Oregon Health Plan so that Vincent could get health care because we haven't been here long enough. I couldn't get into programs that I was interested in because I'm not an American citizen. Really difficult for somebody with a child with special needs. And you know what? I'm already one of the more fortunate ones because I have parents who can support me. What about the millions of documented immigrants throughout this vast country who don't have the support, who have less, and still trying very hard to adapt to this complicated world they've moved to. I've seen so many people lose their identities in order to fit into this society; so that they could have a chance at being seen as an equal. Does that seem right? In a country made up of immigrants (yes, pretty much EVERYBODY here has immigrant roots), why is it such a struggle to accept people as they are, from wherever they are from, and giving them the same rights as soon as they step foot here? I just don't get it. And why are we so easily set aside? I am not denying that undocumented immigrants need to have resources and be given what is due to them. I wholly believe that something must be done in this justice system to aid those who are in need the most. I am just wondering what about the rest of us?

DEEP BREATHS
I'm doing my best to take deep breaths and just take it easy. I definitely have a strong tendency to get worked up and to rant continuously about what's fair and what's not fair. What can I say? I've been doing it since I was much younger -- just ask my parents :) I am in the process of discerning how I can slow down my life. It is moving way too fast and it's making me physically sick. I believe that my blood pressure, stress level, and lack of energy is due to the overly busy schedule and lack of slow moments. Life does not have to be full of busyness in order to be full. Life is full when it is spent with people you love, doing what truly makes your heart happy, and being able to spend quiet moments with the Lord. Aaaaah...