Right Relationships

OK...  One Social Justice far-fetched thought...  What if we placed monetary value for every productive energy -- mentally and physically -- that a person exerts rather than on the actual profession?  Would we value each other more and not feel as if one is more superior than another?  I thought of this because of a couple of letters to the editor that were printed in our paper.  One said that there should be a cap to what a person can earn.  After a billion dollars, the money should be given to the poor (in fact, he said that if you think you need more after a billion dollars, then you need psychological help).  Another person wrote in saying that this was crazy because a person should keep what they earn.  What if we said that we would compensate a person for their productiveness rather than what their title is?  We need managers, executives, etc. to make the right decisions, but we also need the workers who actually produce the products or implements what needs to be done.  Would this lead to equality in the distribution of wealth and the equality of how we value people?  

Now on to my personal stuff...  My days have been much better and I hope I never go back to where I was at not too long ago.  It wasn't all that bad, but the reasons for being there in the first place was the worst part of it all.  

Without getting too specific and going into too many details, let's just say it all has to do with relationships.  I've learned that how I live my faith is all about "right relationships".  These are relationships with people and with God.  If we were to live working towards right relationships, then we would all treat each other better, work towards the common good and truly love each other as God wants us to.  Unfortunately, being human means having to struggle with these relationships.

I am just thankful that I have broken free from struggling with one relationship and working so hard at trying to figure out.  I just one day decided it wasn't worth it anymore and I wanted to regain control of my life.  It was such an awakening that it felt as if I lost the 20 years that I had gained from being in constant struggle.  It was truly making me feel miserable, old, and crabby.  Thankfully I never lost my youthful looks -- haha, just kidding!  Realizing that no person was worth the energy I was giving in forcing the relationship to be right.  Whether it is done intentionally or not, sometimes we can just be so mean to each other.  I honestly believe that not everybody does this intentionally, but it happens.  We take those who love us for granted, not realize their worth, and can be quite arrogant towards them.  As I said, it's not always done intentionally.  The relationship was just not right for that person, so why will I force it?  I have learned that I can still love that person, but not be in love anymore.  I can still pray the best for them, but not be the one trying to make things better for them; especially when it's not wanted.  All I can do now is work towards the right relationships for me.  I have come to value my friendships and relationships with family even more because during the past horrible months they were the ones that simply gave to me without asking for anything in return.  This time has taught me to look at relationships that I value and what I want in future relationships.  Which, in turn, made me realize that what I was agonizing over isn't all that I deserve.  I still love the person as a friend and will forever cherish what we had.  It's just not the right one.

My relationship with work, however, is on a better path.  With the lifting of this heavy cloud, I am able to better evaluate the path that I am on.  I love my work.  I love the people I work with.  I love the different ways I am able to live out what I believe in.  I miss being able to volunteer for the organizations that I believe in, but I'm happy that I can incorporate them into my work.  I was recently invited to be join the board of Catholic Campaign for Human Development and realized that God is definitely paving a path for me in this field.  It's a 3-year commitment, which I look forward to with all my heart once I got past my commitment-phobic phase.  

This actually helped me tremendously in realizing what I want out of my life and, if God wills, from somebody I will share my life with.  First and foremost would be living out my faith in the way God wants me to.  Most important in a partner, as well, would be someone who lives out his faith and places God first.  I believe we are called to evangelize, but this is something I would like to share with a person and not have to teach anymore.  That part is selfish, but important to me.  

From there everything else will follow.  I saw how things fell into place for me this time around and what really made a huge difference.  It was almost as if when I saw that God has put me on this path, I felt more than ever His abundant love for me.  It was always there, but I kept looking everywhere else for it when all he wanted me to look at was right in front of me.  From there I was happier with myself and happier in general.  This, of course, helps Vincent tremendously.  He has told me that he noticed how happy I've been and he thinks it's because I've gotten over being homesick for Manila.  Partly true, maybe.  Even more amazing are the doors that God has opened since then.  But maybe they were always open -- I just wasn't looking in them.

How can we make relationships around us right?  How can we make our work a right relationship?  How can we make our relationships with those who are in need right?  How can we make our relationship with God right?  How can I make my relationship with myself right?

Michi's Mish Mash

I know that I said in my last post that I would write more about Manila, but I think I'll move on to other events that have happpened more recently. I still miss being in Manila and I am still tremendously home sick. Whoever instilled in people's minds that living in the US is far better than being at home should re-think that. I love being here, but love being home even more. Corvallis is beautiful, the people are very friendly, and life is comfortable. There's just something about being home and being surrounded by your people that is very different from life here. I dread waking up to frozen mornings where I have to scrape the windshield as we rush to school. I like the cold on slow, unhurried days. Not when I need to be somewhere in 8 minutes, but have a 12 minute drive on frozen streets. If that was my time crunch in Manila, it wouldn't really matter because you're expected to be late anyway. I also am not too thrilled about the sense of loneliness here. I have friends I love dearly, but there's less interaction because of everybody's "busy" schedules. These are schedules we create for ourselves and then curse as we find ourselves not being able to accomplish everything we had placed on those darned schedules to begin with. Yes, I'm in a mood right now.

It is Valentine's Day. It has become one of those days that I question and have never really cared much for for as long as I can remember. As with many "Days" that we celebrate, it's true meaning has gotten lost and has become a day to patronize restaurants and purchase themed items. Gone are the days of deep love that does not call for consumerism for one another that this day was really meant to celebrate. What has happened to undying, devoted love that simply required devotion even from the confines of a prison cell? I have come to see love as something that thrives only if a person is able to fulfill these questions: What can he/she do for ME? What is that person giving to ME? How does that person make ME feel? We have seem to have forgotten that there are two people, not just one.

We had a discussion at work one day where our pastor asked the married ladies if they would stay with their husband if the husband told them that he had been unfaithful. Almost all said that they would not put up with it. I'm sure most of you who are reading this would agree. That's not being fair to ME, right? My thoughts were different, but I didn't speak up since I wasn't the one being addressed. Where's the unconditional love that could withstand the bumps along the way? The love that keeps on loving the other person no matter what? Our pastor told them that they were so wrong. Love does not mean loving when it is convenient and losing it because of hardship. Love is loving a person wholeheartedly, unconditionally, and should withstand any obstacles. If this love is so easily dissolved, then there was no true union to begin with. The union, which should happen between TWO individuals, was not a true union. As we see separations and divorce happening so frequently and love being disposed of so callously, it has made me question what has happened to true love. Is it something that we will only read about now?

Time to get out of that mood... I mentioned earlier how my guitar teacher, Alex, invited me to join their group. Last night was my first opportunity to join them in concert -- a fundraiser for the Missionaries of the Holy Spirit at the St. Mary's in Albany. It was an incredible experience! First of all, we only practiced as a group twice. We weren't even complete during any of these practices. We were told that it would start at 7:00PM, but the last stragglers would come in about an hour later, we only started practicing a little bit before that (Filipinos! We have to admit we are more Latin American than Asian). The lyrics that we're given are not complete, the order we are to sing the lyrics aren't quite the same as what's typed out, and then more changes happen as we go along (in fact, the last change was told to us as we were setting up for the concert itself and included a small debate as to what was really agreed upon). No sweat... It would all happen. And it did. It was beautiful! Alex is an excellent musician who has had years and years of experience in the music industry. He, in a very laid-back way, has control of the whole show and is very meticulous (in a very laid-back way). We had a full percussion accompaniment, two acoustic guitars, one electric guitar, one bass guitar. We even had a charango (an Andean string instrument, somewhat similar to a ukele or the Philippine rondalla) for a few songs. The best part was being able to sing with two other people I work with -- Ina, the Hispanic Ministry Coordinator, and Barb, our Pastoral Associate. Ina would just tell us to just let the Holy Spirit move us and take over. You know what? You could definitely feel the Holy Spirit working last night. Alex had us all working together as if we've done this a hundred times and the crowd was singing and swaying to the music. All three of us St. Mary's Corvallis staff members want this at our own parish now, which everyone was very eager about. Who knows? We may go on tour someday! One of the members invited me to sing with them all the time and even for his own band. I don't know if I'll do the latter, but tomorrow will be my first time to sing during the Spanish Mass.

The positive aspect of life is that I am making new friends or at least getting to know people a little bit better. These past couple of weeks have been full of that, I must say. Surprisingly enough, these are with people at about my age. Yes, I'm moving beyond my retired ladies, but have definitely not forgotten them. I am quite surprised at the number of single men at our parish. Before people look into that, it's just a fact not something to look into too deeply. As you have read just earlier, romantic love is not high on my priority because of the shallowness and the selfishness that it brings about. I talk about loneliness, but it's an overall loneliness that I feel here. When I was in Manila I don't think I was ever given much time to feel that loneliness because of how people connect with each other. My dear friends here do make time whenever possible and I appreciate that. It's just nice to meet new people who can relate to what you're going through and knows what it's like to be at this age-range in Corvallis. It's hard to explain without hurting people's feelings, but I feel a difference. I don't know if it's just in Corvallis or it's like this anywhere. For now, I have the people who surround me and who God works through. I love them dearly.

Before I end this, I just want to give a shout out to my bird-watching titas and friends! We see a lot of birds here and how I wish I could identify what they all are. There's one field that I pass by everyday and there's always a crane or a herron (I don't know how to distinguish yet) sitting there. One day I noticed a black, swirling tornado. I realized that this was actually a flock of geese coming in for a landing. It was a magnificent sight. There was already a huge circle on the ground, but abovehead there were hundreds circling before settling down on the ground. God has created such beautiful creatures and makes me wonder why we don't see how much more beautiful people are whom He made in his image. During the moods that I get into, I think back to Matthew 6:26-27 in which Jesus says, "Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of our by worrying add a single moment to your life span? Whenever I see birds now, I think God is giving me a reminder to stop worrying and to trust in Him. Sometimes harder than others (as noticable earlier), but definitely a good reminder.