I know that I said in my last post that I would write more about Manila, but I think I'll move on to other events that have happpened more recently. I still miss being in Manila and I am still tremendously home sick. Whoever instilled in people's minds that living in the US is far better than being at home should re-think that. I love being here, but love being home even more. Corvallis is beautiful, the people are very friendly, and life is comfortable. There's just something about being home and being surrounded by your people that is very different from life here. I dread waking up to frozen mornings where I have to scrape the windshield as we rush to school. I like the cold on slow, unhurried days. Not when I need to be somewhere in 8 minutes, but have a 12 minute drive on frozen streets. If that was my time crunch in Manila, it wouldn't really matter because you're expected to be late anyway. I also am not too thrilled about the sense of loneliness here. I have friends I love dearly, but there's less interaction because of everybody's "busy" schedules. These are schedules we create for ourselves and then curse as we find ourselves not being able to accomplish everything we had placed on those darned schedules to begin with. Yes, I'm in a mood right now.
It is Valentine's Day. It has become one of those days that I question and have never really cared much for for as long as I can remember. As with many "Days" that we celebrate, it's true meaning has gotten lost and has become a day to patronize restaurants and purchase themed items. Gone are the days of deep love that does not call for consumerism for one another that this day was really meant to celebrate. What has happened to undying, devoted love that simply required devotion even from the confines of a prison cell? I have come to see love as something that thrives only if a person is able to fulfill these questions: What can he/she do for ME? What is that person giving to ME? How does that person make ME feel? We have seem to have forgotten that there are two people, not just one.
We had a discussion at work one day where our pastor asked the married ladies if they would stay with their husband if the husband told them that he had been unfaithful. Almost all said that they would not put up with it. I'm sure most of you who are reading this would agree. That's not being fair to ME, right? My thoughts were different, but I didn't speak up since I wasn't the one being addressed. Where's the unconditional love that could withstand the bumps along the way? The love that keeps on loving the other person no matter what? Our pastor told them that they were so wrong. Love does not mean loving when it is convenient and losing it because of hardship. Love is loving a person wholeheartedly, unconditionally, and should withstand any obstacles. If this love is so easily dissolved, then there was no true union to begin with. The union, which should happen between TWO individuals, was not a true union. As we see separations and divorce happening so frequently and love being disposed of so callously, it has made me question what has happened to true love. Is it something that we will only read about now?
Time to get out of that mood... I mentioned earlier how my guitar teacher, Alex, invited me to join their group. Last night was my first opportunity to join them in concert -- a fundraiser for the Missionaries of the Holy Spirit at the St. Mary's in Albany. It was an incredible experience! First of all, we only practiced as a group twice. We weren't even complete during any of these practices. We were told that it would start at 7:00PM, but the last stragglers would come in about an hour later, we only started practicing a little bit before that (Filipinos! We have to admit we are more Latin American than Asian). The lyrics that we're given are not complete, the order we are to sing the lyrics aren't quite the same as what's typed out, and then more changes happen as we go along (in fact, the last change was told to us as we were setting up for the concert itself and included a small debate as to what was really agreed upon). No sweat... It would all happen. And it did. It was beautiful! Alex is an excellent musician who has had years and years of experience in the music industry. He, in a very laid-back way, has control of the whole show and is very meticulous (in a very laid-back way). We had a full percussion accompaniment, two acoustic guitars, one electric guitar, one bass guitar. We even had a charango (an Andean string instrument, somewhat similar to a ukele or the Philippine rondalla) for a few songs. The best part was being able to sing with two other people I work with -- Ina, the Hispanic Ministry Coordinator, and Barb, our Pastoral Associate. Ina would just tell us to just let the Holy Spirit move us and take over. You know what? You could definitely feel the Holy Spirit working last night. Alex had us all working together as if we've done this a hundred times and the crowd was singing and swaying to the music. All three of us St. Mary's Corvallis staff members want this at our own parish now, which everyone was very eager about. Who knows? We may go on tour someday! One of the members invited me to sing with them all the time and even for his own band. I don't know if I'll do the latter, but tomorrow will be my first time to sing during the Spanish Mass.
The positive aspect of life is that I am making new friends or at least getting to know people a little bit better. These past couple of weeks have been full of that, I must say. Surprisingly enough, these are with people at about my age. Yes, I'm moving beyond my retired ladies, but have definitely not forgotten them. I am quite surprised at the number of single men at our parish. Before people look into that, it's just a fact not something to look into too deeply. As you have read just earlier, romantic love is not high on my priority because of the shallowness and the selfishness that it brings about. I talk about loneliness, but it's an overall loneliness that I feel here. When I was in Manila I don't think I was ever given much time to feel that loneliness because of how people connect with each other. My dear friends here do make time whenever possible and I appreciate that. It's just nice to meet new people who can relate to what you're going through and knows what it's like to be at this age-range in Corvallis. It's hard to explain without hurting people's feelings, but I feel a difference. I don't know if it's just in Corvallis or it's like this anywhere. For now, I have the people who surround me and who God works through. I love them dearly.
Before I end this, I just want to give a shout out to my bird-watching titas and friends! We see a lot of birds here and how I wish I could identify what they all are. There's one field that I pass by everyday and there's always a crane or a herron (I don't know how to distinguish yet) sitting there. One day I noticed a black, swirling tornado. I realized that this was actually a flock of geese coming in for a landing. It was a magnificent sight. There was already a huge circle on the ground, but abovehead there were hundreds circling before settling down on the ground. God has created such beautiful creatures and makes me wonder why we don't see how much more beautiful people are whom He made in his image. During the moods that I get into, I think back to Matthew 6:26-27 in which Jesus says, "Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of our by worrying add a single moment to your life span? Whenever I see birds now, I think God is giving me a reminder to stop worrying and to trust in Him. Sometimes harder than others (as noticable earlier), but definitely a good reminder.
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