Childlike Trust

The one thing I miss the most since leaving the preschool are the kids. The two years that I was in the preschool was just a lot of fun. Everyday there was something to laugh about with the kids. I am thankful that lately Vincent has become somewhat less serious and a bit more animated than he has been. I love laughing more with him again. Of course, he also has his moments of worrying and asking serious "what if"-questions. For the most part (unless news stories that he has read says otherwise) he trusts in my answers and seems to feel comforted.

How do kids do it? As I've gotten older I'm finding trust to be something I have to work harder at. I trust what people tell me for the most part. I'm talking about trusting that God's ways, as hard as it may be at times, is part of His grand plan for me. Kids can trust their parents to plan their day out for them and simply follow. Well... It used to be a struggle for us with Vincent, but he's doing much better at this now. All he asks is that I write his schedule for the day on the whiteboard and he's set for the day. In general, kids trust that their parents will do what's best for them and keep them safe. When and how did I lose this? Why do I need to be reminded that all that is happening to me now is part of God's schedule for me?

Twirling around in circles comes to mind. I remember playing with kids who would want me to twirl them around until they fall down with the world spinning around in their heads. They would grab on to my hand and we would go around as fast as possible. How did they know that I wouldn't let go? How did they know that I would stop before they threw up?

I find that I'm having to be reminded that God hasn't let go of my hands. Even if the world feels like it's spinning out of control, God still has a firm grasp. So why do I start to feel like He's let go when the world is spinning the fastest? Why don't I see that the spinning is all in my head and part of my life as God has planned? Why do I have to be reminded that God will only give me what I can handle? That he's not going to let me go over the edge if I just let him take the lead. Why don't I remember that all the challenges I'm faced with is meant to bring me closer to God and not to the end of the world?

As I seek to find answers, I am reminded that God has already given us the answers. I just didn't trust enough. Am I alone? Of course not. Since the time that God led the Israelites out of Egypt, he's had to remind all of us constantly to trust in Him. It's comforting to know that He's still always there, but wouldn't it be even better to just trust in Him in the first place?

As my world spins once again (and again and again), I try my best to just spin along with God. He's not going to let go. Am I the one that lets go? Most likely. For now... Laugh and spin like a child. It's hard, but it may just make us feel better.

Lunch with the Ladies

My days have been extraordinarily full lately and oftentimes I am unable to have lunch at the office, which I happen to enjoy. Yesterday, though, I was able to free up my schedule and spend more time in the office and actually have lunch there. I was prepared with my soup and apple. Upon entering the staff room, though, Noemi announced that Sylvia, someone who volunteers for our Stone Soup kitchen, had brought leftover soup and quesadillas for everybody. Noemi, Lynette, Barb, Ina, and I were joined by two Hispanic ladies, Sylvia and Maria. The soup and quesadillas were delicious and the conversation was LIVELY!

It was so much fun just talking about anything and everything that we could all come up with. Barb told us about her difficulties of remitting money to a bus company in Mexico City. Ina shared her experiences with being left at home with teenage boys. Noemi compared the family culture she grew up with to her American husband's family. This then turned into how our Spanish-influenced culture compared to the American culture. This I find so fascinating because even if we Filipinos are Asians, we are so much more like the Hispanics of the Americas. Sylvia then shared with us how the boys that her children went to grade school boys have now grown up into good-looking, hot, young men. This brought the house down! We could probably be heard a mile away as we all laughed and pounded on the table at the scandalous thought.

I couldn't help but think how much I miss these lunches with girlfriends where you can be as silly and scandalous (within reason, of course). The combination of the hearty food, the lively personalities, and the openness of the group just made for a great lunch hour.

As I write this, though, I have to admit that I also have another group of ladies that I lunch with. It's a super, secret club that only women are invited to. We're called the VCCWs -- or Very Cool Catholic Women. This is another lively conversation, but a little bit more serious. We also have some interesting women in this group. Sue, who is the Coordinator of the Newman Center, is a hoot. She tells the best stories and is very animated. There's Amy who is a new Catholic. She's Passionate with a capital P. She became a Catholic after reading about Dorothy Day and the Catholic Worker Movement. Needless to say, she's part of our Social Justice Commission but will be moving to California in July. Barb, who is our Pastoral Associate, is also quite lively and really adds to the conversations. Judy Ringle has read just about everything and is very energetic as well. She does a lot of glasswork as a hobby and even made us our lovely VCCW pins. This is just part of our group because I haven't had the chance to lunch with the other members yet. We just get together for lunch each last Friday of the month in the same restaurant to talk about anything and everything.

It's particularly interesting how different we all are yet our basic foundation is really quite similar. Women just have to talk and express their feelings. From here, we move on to other topics. But until we're able to download, these thoughts swirl around our heads and can lead to anxiety attacks if not poured out. We are capable of solving problems that we feel men seem to have a harder time grasping, yet we don't really want solutions to our problems. We just want to talk about them. Why? Because we're women. We just want someone to listen. We hyper-analyze situations, but don't want to be analyzed. What did she mean when she said this? Why do you think he did this? Does this mean that I'm so and so? But don't tell me what's wrong with me because you'll be wrong.

So, when's our next lunch?