Life and Love Lessons

Now wouldn't that be funny if I were to start teaching about life and love? Ha! I am far from the expert on these things. Unusually enough, though, the people I've been learning from lately are not from people one would expect to learn from also. Well, I take that back... I've just had lunch with a friend of mine (one of my retired lady friends) and she shared so much with me that further reaffirmed thoughts I've had brewing in my mind.

Love According to Stretch and Dale

I've become quite acquainted with two men who are a part of our homeless community. I see them from time to time. I've mentioned Dale before in a previous blog entry -- he's the MacGyver of Corvallis. He's got the information and tools necessary to do anything. Dale has talked to me in the past about a certain lady that he has fallen so deeply in love with. He talks about how the room lights up the moment she walks in, how he's never felt this strongly about any other person, and how after 61 years he has finally met the person he would love to share the rest of his life with. You see there are some complications. This lady friend of his has issues about committing, has fetishes I dare not mention in this blog entry (he has felt the need to tell me in detail what these are and I try hard not to react), and was actually more like Dale in a lot of ways before she became the woman that she is now (you will just have to figure this one out for yourselves :) ). Unfortunately, thoug, these have left her unable to believe that anyone would want to be in a relationship with her. Yet he loves her more than anyone he has ever loved. His biggest fear now is to die alone. He comes from a line of men that did not live to an old age, has diabetes, and he is homeless. So basically he is feeling that his time to go will be coming very soon and he doesn't think much of himself. I must say that Dale's story is the first I've ever heard of unconditional love to this degree. He came looking for somebody to talk to about his problems with her, but not because of anything she has done or the revelation on her real identity. No. His problem was more of trying to understand this feeling that has ovewpowered his emotions and coming to terms with the knowledge that he has met somebody he would like to be with. He is also having a hard time seeing how he could possibly convince her knowing that he is homeless and doesn't have much to offer to her. What surprised me the most was my reaction to him and the words that kept coming to my mind as we spoke. I kept trying to hold them back because these are the very things I have denied myself, yet here was this man I had to tell these things to. I listed all the traits that I saw in him that were such gifts -- he is intelligent, he is funny, a gifted musician (he is very good and this is how he met his love), and has the capability to love unconditionally. He has had major setbacks in his life, but he has survived so far. I found myself telling him that if he is truly sure about his love for this lady, then he should show her the patience she needed, be there for her as a friend, and, most importantly, to recognize the good in himself first. The nice part of this conversation was that he has had thoughts about coming back to the Church. I don't know if he actually has, but it's a good step that I will further pursue.

Stretch is quite the trouble-maker at times. He has been known to be quite rowdy and possibly violent, but he has been pleasant with me. He came to my office wanting to know where he could stay before the winter homeless shelter started. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do for him (he has burned bridges with all other options), but we ended up having a great conversation that lasted for over an hour. He told me about his life. This started by his telling me that he could only see his "little girl" for an hour and a half, three times a week. So I asked him how old his daughter is. He then told me that this was his wife. Stretch is 7'1" (hence the name Stretch) and his wife is 5'4", so she's his "little girl". Apparently, she was Stretch's girlfriend when he was 17 years old and she was 14. Her mother made him break up with this girl or else she would call the police on him. They were on horseback in Texas at the time he was told this, so he rode off and hopped on a train to get away. He has been roaming around since. They then got reconnected again after 30+ years and decided they still love each other. She left her partner to be with Stretch and she and Stretch have been "married in the eyes of God" ever since. I wonder what God has to say about that. She is dealing with mental issues herself, so she is in a home that cares for her. After all these years, Stretch says that they cry everytime they have to part. Imagine a 7'1" man with the reputation of causing fights and having been put in jail numerous times sitting in front of you with tears in his eyes as he talks about his "little girl". It was very touching for me and even I thought I was going to cry (yes, this wouldn't have taken much anyway).

LIFE ACCORDING TO ME

One thing I learned from Stretch and Dale is that love knows no mental issues, homelessness, fetishes, odd pasts, etc. Here are stories of men and women who have found each other in the midst of all their issues. Not just that. Talking to these men have taught me that lessons on how I live out my life and faith come from everywhere. I found that they have a different sense of what a community is like, but it's the most accepting community I've ever seen. They have issues such as developmental disabilities and addictions, but they exist around each other, help each other at times, and accept each other. Yes, they have times of stealing, fighting, and more, but what community doesn't have its own problems. I've seen them share their food stamps in order to have a special treat like liverwurst and onions on french bread. They have the time to sit around to talk, play music, and share their stories. This is something I don't get to see much anymore in my own community.

Which leads me to my time and how it affects my faith. I have been B-U-S-Y! I have not had a single weekend that was completely my own. I find myself exhausted on Monday morning up to Sunday evening. I do all that I do for the sake of my ministry, for the sake of other ministries, and for the sake of living out my faith. Yet what am I left with? I am happy because of all the interaction I've had with people, but the feeling of happiness doesn't last because I'm too exhausted. I end up too tired to see Jesus in all that I do anymore. All I see is a busy schedule. I have asked myself if happiness the end product or the by product of all that I do. I find that in all that I've done where happiness is the end product, it has only led to short-term happiness and long-term exhaustion and dissatisfaction. But when happiness is simply a by-product, I find myself being happier in the long run because there was much more substance to what I had just done. Honestly, there were times when I didn't want to have to meet with people like Stretch and Dale because my schedule was just too tight. Yet, those were the most rewarding times I can recall.

We've been asked to see Jesus in the stranger, the hungry, the thirsty, the prisoner, the sick. My busy schedule has caused me to not recognize and even reject Jesus in everyone I meet and in all that I do. I have once again been reminded that love and happiness does not come from the busyness I can offer. It simply comes from the acceptance of Jesus in each one. I don't think Dale and Stretch would ever tell you that they love who they love because they see Jesus in their respective women. Yet, that's what I see. They accept them for their complete being -- good and bad. Jesus asks me to see Him in all that I encounter, not to busy myself with the expectations of being accepted or loved. I already am loved and accepted by Him -- just as I am.